Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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