Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
