it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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