in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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