last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
