he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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