u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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