The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
