I got chris browned last night
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
