I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
