My hand turned me down
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
