I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
