i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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