I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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