Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
did i walk over a car last night?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
