What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
