You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
