yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
