I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
