I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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