You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
