he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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