This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
