Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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