How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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