i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
