I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
