Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
