I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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