What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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