This girl is more easily done than said...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
