he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
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