She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
