I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
