he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
