I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
