My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
