i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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