i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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