dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
