my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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