i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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