KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
