First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
