I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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