Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
