so explain again why im purple
no
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
