hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
