last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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