kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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