pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
