New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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