I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
