you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
