I'm so fucking centered right now
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
