The maid of honor just puked.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
