I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
