I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
