guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
