I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
