I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
