By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
