My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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