If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
