Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
