Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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