PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
