Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
