the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
