he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
