Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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