D3 body, D1 cock
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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