My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize