Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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