So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
