Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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