whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
