hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
