It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
